Courtship: Parting Ways (Part 16)
07.31.04 (6:23 pm) [edit]
Courtship: Parting Ways (Part 16)
If the time comes for you to part ways, do so in a way that leaves the other person encouraged, not devastated. Let the person know that you value the time you have spent together and that you want only the best for the person in the future. Let the person know that you will be praying that God sends him or her the right mate, and then follow through and pray that prayer. I’ve been through this. Maple Street Dorm, 1973. A fine Christian girl I had dated for a couple of weeks said to me with sincerity, “I enjoy spending time with you, but I would feel a great peace if God were to take us now in different ways.” I wasn’t stupid. If she would feel peace about God taking me out of her life, then the best place for me to be was out of her life. I was hurt, but I also know where I stood and where we stood as a couple. I’m grateful now that she made the decision she made and equally grateful that she was able to express her feelings to me in such a kind and positive manner.
[b]
My Question For You:[/b]
Have you been on both sides of a relationship that has “parted ways?” Do you remember how you want to be treated?
[b]
My Challenge For You:[/b]
In preparing for a relationship, start thinking now how you want to be treated and treat the other person that way from the onset.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
***This devotion came from TheSongofSolomon.com :-D
If the time comes for you to part ways, do so in a way that leaves the other person encouraged, not devastated. Let the person know that you value the time you have spent together and that you want only the best for the person in the future. Let the person know that you will be praying that God sends him or her the right mate, and then follow through and pray that prayer. I’ve been through this. Maple Street Dorm, 1973. A fine Christian girl I had dated for a couple of weeks said to me with sincerity, “I enjoy spending time with you, but I would feel a great peace if God were to take us now in different ways.” I wasn’t stupid. If she would feel peace about God taking me out of her life, then the best place for me to be was out of her life. I was hurt, but I also know where I stood and where we stood as a couple. I’m grateful now that she made the decision she made and equally grateful that she was able to express her feelings to me in such a kind and positive manner.
[b]
My Question For You:[/b]
Have you been on both sides of a relationship that has “parted ways?” Do you remember how you want to be treated?
[b]
My Challenge For You:[/b]
In preparing for a relationship, start thinking now how you want to be treated and treat the other person that way from the onset.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
***This devotion came from TheSongofSolomon.com :-D
Courtship: Mark the Date (Part 15)
07.30.04 (1:12 pm) [edit]
Courtship: Mark the Date (Part 15)
Mark the point at which you begin to court. Don’t just slide into courtship. Make a statement: “We’ve been dating for a while, and I’d like for us to date each other exclusively. I enjoy your company, and you are the kind of person I’d like to marry. I’d like for us to seriously explore whether we truly are meant to spend the rest of our lives together.” If at any time in your courtship you realize that you are not going to marry this young woman, end your courtship as graciously and kindly as you can. Don’t muddle along until you both are so hurt, frustrated, and upset that anger and bitterness take root. Above all, young men, do not romance a woman and then in a fit of spirituality decide to be “wholly God’s” and leave her. Word will spread about you, and rightly so. Be careful with a woman’s heart. My advice to young women is this: don’t press for commitment, but do press for communication. You can say to a man who has dated you several times but hasn’t said how he feels about you or your relationship, “I’m not asking for any form of commitment, but I would like for you to communicate to me your feelings. Do you like being with me? Am I the kind of person you would consider spending the rest of your life with? Do you think there’s any possibility for this relationship to move to deeper levels?” Although you aren’t in a position to either expect or demand commitment, you can certainly probe for information. If the man is totally unwilling to express his feelings, you have your answer. Either he isn’t willing to communicate with you, or he isn’t feeling anything—both of which mean he is not emotionally involved in the relationship. The point is, for any relationship to move forward from dating into courtship, and then from courtship to a formal engagement, somebody has to do some talking and somebody has to initiate the forging of commitment. Men, make that your responsibility. Take the lead!
[u][b]My Question For You:[/b][/u]
Do you initiate the discussion of commitment within your relationship?
[u][b]My Challenge For You:[/b][/u]
After you have been in a dating relationship for awhile, consider if the person is someone you really believe God could be preparing for you and move towards courtship. Otherwise, maybe you should reconsider your relationship.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
Mark the point at which you begin to court. Don’t just slide into courtship. Make a statement: “We’ve been dating for a while, and I’d like for us to date each other exclusively. I enjoy your company, and you are the kind of person I’d like to marry. I’d like for us to seriously explore whether we truly are meant to spend the rest of our lives together.” If at any time in your courtship you realize that you are not going to marry this young woman, end your courtship as graciously and kindly as you can. Don’t muddle along until you both are so hurt, frustrated, and upset that anger and bitterness take root. Above all, young men, do not romance a woman and then in a fit of spirituality decide to be “wholly God’s” and leave her. Word will spread about you, and rightly so. Be careful with a woman’s heart. My advice to young women is this: don’t press for commitment, but do press for communication. You can say to a man who has dated you several times but hasn’t said how he feels about you or your relationship, “I’m not asking for any form of commitment, but I would like for you to communicate to me your feelings. Do you like being with me? Am I the kind of person you would consider spending the rest of your life with? Do you think there’s any possibility for this relationship to move to deeper levels?” Although you aren’t in a position to either expect or demand commitment, you can certainly probe for information. If the man is totally unwilling to express his feelings, you have your answer. Either he isn’t willing to communicate with you, or he isn’t feeling anything—both of which mean he is not emotionally involved in the relationship. The point is, for any relationship to move forward from dating into courtship, and then from courtship to a formal engagement, somebody has to do some talking and somebody has to initiate the forging of commitment. Men, make that your responsibility. Take the lead!
[u][b]My Question For You:[/b][/u]
Do you initiate the discussion of commitment within your relationship?
[u][b]My Challenge For You:[/b][/u]
After you have been in a dating relationship for awhile, consider if the person is someone you really believe God could be preparing for you and move towards courtship. Otherwise, maybe you should reconsider your relationship.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
Courtship: A Willingness to Commit (Part 14)
07.29.04 (7:49 pm) [edit]
[i]Courtship: A Willingness to Commit (Part 14) [/i]
We’ll rejoin our series on courtship for a few weeks before we get back into discussing conflict in a relationship. The humorist Dave Barry once wrote about the reluctance of men to commit to relationships and marriage, “If a man was a chicken breast and you put him in the microwave in July, he wouldn’t be ready till Thanksgiving.” Men tend to shy away from commitment, very often believing that it will be confining, restrictive or burdensome. Women are sometimes to eager to jump into a commitment, generally for very different reasons: they are looking for security, support, and faithful love. Even if you are not ready to make a commitment related to marriage, courtship is a time in which some degree of commitment should be expressed openly by both persons in the relationship. Commit to the degree that you are willing and able to commit. I strongly encourage every young man who is in a dating relationship to say to the young woman after four or five dates, “I don’t know if you are the person that God has for me to marry, but I want you to know that you are the type of woman I would enjoy spending my life with, I like being with you, and I’m open to seeing if this relationship goes somewhere. If you want to back out of our dating relationship right now, then that’s all right. You owe me nothing but honesty.” If you discover after a few dates that a young woman is not the type of person you want to spend your life with, tell her as gently as possible that you don’t anticipate that your relationship is going to become a permanent one, and therefore, you think it’s probably better that you part ways now rather than later. Be honest about your feelings and forthright about your intentions. You feel either one way or the other—express your feelings. You’ll save yourself and the person you are dating a lot of frustration and heartache. You’ll also feel better about yourself for being honest and straightforward.
[u][b]My Question For You:[/b][/u]
Are you honest with your feelings and intentions when you are in a relationship?
[u][b]My Challenge For You:[/b][/u]
Search your thoughts and feelings to discover if the person you are dating is someone you are willing to be committed to—at least committed to the point of discovering if they are the one God has for you.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
**Just to let you know that I DID not write these devotions. They come from a wonderful website called TheSongOfSolomon.com (The link is above) Check it out sometime!! God Bless!
Your Sis in Christ,
Heather :D
We’ll rejoin our series on courtship for a few weeks before we get back into discussing conflict in a relationship. The humorist Dave Barry once wrote about the reluctance of men to commit to relationships and marriage, “If a man was a chicken breast and you put him in the microwave in July, he wouldn’t be ready till Thanksgiving.” Men tend to shy away from commitment, very often believing that it will be confining, restrictive or burdensome. Women are sometimes to eager to jump into a commitment, generally for very different reasons: they are looking for security, support, and faithful love. Even if you are not ready to make a commitment related to marriage, courtship is a time in which some degree of commitment should be expressed openly by both persons in the relationship. Commit to the degree that you are willing and able to commit. I strongly encourage every young man who is in a dating relationship to say to the young woman after four or five dates, “I don’t know if you are the person that God has for me to marry, but I want you to know that you are the type of woman I would enjoy spending my life with, I like being with you, and I’m open to seeing if this relationship goes somewhere. If you want to back out of our dating relationship right now, then that’s all right. You owe me nothing but honesty.” If you discover after a few dates that a young woman is not the type of person you want to spend your life with, tell her as gently as possible that you don’t anticipate that your relationship is going to become a permanent one, and therefore, you think it’s probably better that you part ways now rather than later. Be honest about your feelings and forthright about your intentions. You feel either one way or the other—express your feelings. You’ll save yourself and the person you are dating a lot of frustration and heartache. You’ll also feel better about yourself for being honest and straightforward.
[u][b]My Question For You:[/b][/u]
Are you honest with your feelings and intentions when you are in a relationship?
[u][b]My Challenge For You:[/b][/u]
Search your thoughts and feelings to discover if the person you are dating is someone you are willing to be committed to—at least committed to the point of discovering if they are the one God has for you.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
**Just to let you know that I DID not write these devotions. They come from a wonderful website called TheSongOfSolomon.com (The link is above) Check it out sometime!! God Bless!
Your Sis in Christ,
Heather :D
Courtship: Deeper Communication – An Ability to Survive Arguments (Part 13)
07.28.04 (4:32 am) [edit]
Courtship: Deeper Communication – An Ability to Survive Arguments (Part 13)
Can your relationship survive misunderstandings, arguments, and the occasional conflict of interest? If not, take heed. In the Song of Solomon we find a mutual commitment of the couples to face and resolve difficulties: “Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, four our vines have tender grapes” (Song 2:15). Foxes are deadly to vineyards because they nibble the early blossoms from the vines. As a result, no fruit will mature from those blossoms. A number of things have the capacity to nip a relationship in the bud before it has time to develop fully. Little foxes might include communication glitches, unthoughtful acts, little resentments and disagreements, colliding differences of opinion, or unchecked premarital passion. The two of you need to learn to fight clean and to resolve conflicts fairly and in love. Courtship is the time for developing those skills. One of the most frequent complaints that I hear as a pastor in counseling sessions is this: “I try to talk to my husband, but he won’t listen.” A woman doesn’t need a perfect man, but she does need a man who is perfectible. She needs a man who is willing to listen to her and to take her ideas and opinions into consideration. At the core of many marital arguments is this issue of “you never listen to me; you don’t care what I think.” Men, if your girlfriend or wife accuses you of poor communication skills, own up to them. In 99 out of 100 cases, she’s right, and the other 1 case isn’t worth fighting about.
[u][b]My Question For You:[/b][/u]
Are there any “little foxes” in your relationship? Are you communicating about them in your relationship so that they can be overcome?
[u][b]My Challenge For You:[/b][/u]
When one of these “little foxes” comes around, talk about the experience (good or bad) openly with your partner so that you can build the skills to resolve conflict within your relationship.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
Can your relationship survive misunderstandings, arguments, and the occasional conflict of interest? If not, take heed. In the Song of Solomon we find a mutual commitment of the couples to face and resolve difficulties: “Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, four our vines have tender grapes” (Song 2:15). Foxes are deadly to vineyards because they nibble the early blossoms from the vines. As a result, no fruit will mature from those blossoms. A number of things have the capacity to nip a relationship in the bud before it has time to develop fully. Little foxes might include communication glitches, unthoughtful acts, little resentments and disagreements, colliding differences of opinion, or unchecked premarital passion. The two of you need to learn to fight clean and to resolve conflicts fairly and in love. Courtship is the time for developing those skills. One of the most frequent complaints that I hear as a pastor in counseling sessions is this: “I try to talk to my husband, but he won’t listen.” A woman doesn’t need a perfect man, but she does need a man who is perfectible. She needs a man who is willing to listen to her and to take her ideas and opinions into consideration. At the core of many marital arguments is this issue of “you never listen to me; you don’t care what I think.” Men, if your girlfriend or wife accuses you of poor communication skills, own up to them. In 99 out of 100 cases, she’s right, and the other 1 case isn’t worth fighting about.
[u][b]My Question For You:[/b][/u]
Are there any “little foxes” in your relationship? Are you communicating about them in your relationship so that they can be overcome?
[u][b]My Challenge For You:[/b][/u]
When one of these “little foxes” comes around, talk about the experience (good or bad) openly with your partner so that you can build the skills to resolve conflict within your relationship.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
~What the Lord Spoke 2 My Heart about Courtship & Purity~
07.25.04 (12:50 pm) [edit]
Even at a very young age, I knew that someday God would send Prince Charming into my life. I remember when I was a little girl, I'd think about the fact that my future husband was alive and living...he was going to school and he had a life. I didn't know who he was but God did. I prayed for him, and thought about him often. As I got older and was saved, I began to pray for my future husband's purity, for his safety, his decision making, his daily walk with God. I even prayed for his everyday life, that he would be blessed and that he would be thinking about me and praying for me as well! When I was in 9th grade, I remember seeing all my friends date and go from one person to the next...hearts breaking left and right...bitterness..anger...regrets. I knew I didn't want that. I didn't want to go through dating a lot of people. I didn't want to deal with that! I was a shy girl, plus I wanted to save every BIT of myself for my future husband. So, I prayed that God would protect me from dating a lot of people. I prayed that He would keep me strong and help me to be wise about relationships. I prayed that if it was His will, that I would be able to only date my husband...that God would guide me and speak to my heart, let me get to know a guy before I consider dating him, and that when it came the time for me to get involved in a courtship with a man, that it would be my husband. I prayed this seriously.
Later on, about a year later, I fell away from God and became unhappy with myself and depressed. God was not first in my life anymore. I became stressed and sad. When I saw all my friends dating and having fun, I became jealous and frustrated because of my singleness. I had never dated a guy and I had never even been kissed! (Still never been kissed and I'm SO blessed) I WANTED my Prince Charming RIGHT NOW. I was tired of waiting and I thought I was ready for a relationship. Well, I wasn’t. God was blessing me and protecting me and I was looking at it as a curse.
These were tough times for me, but I learned to cling to the Lord and I learned that He was the Love of my life. God completed me, not a person. I was complete in Christ. I came to the realization that even if I never dated or never married, I knew that I would be joyful and complete because I was complete in Christ, He is my Love, the Love of my life. As long as I have Him in my life, I knew that it would all be ok and that I would be content :-)
Even though I was content with being single, I still kept my eyes open for Mr. Right. I knew that God knows the desires of our hearts and being a wife and a mother someday is one of my desires. So, one day I joined a Christian Chat/ Discussion board. It was a place where you could share your testimony, interests, convictions, what you want in a man, etc. I put up a profile and really, the main reason I did this was to show that I was content with being single and I wanted other girls to see that it’s OK to be single. There is a season for everything in our lives. Not only was this a place to meet people of the opposite sex, it was a place to fellowship with other sisters in Christ. Anyway, one day I came across a man’s profile in Michigan. I have no idea why I was searching in Michigan when I live in NC, but the Lord led me there. I read over his profile and thought I’d say hey. I’ve always enjoyed fellowship and I saw that this man and I had some common interests. I thought maybe we could be friends. So, I dropped him an e-mail. The rest is history. I’ve now known Joe for over a year. We started with a good solid friendship and we both began to pray about the possibility of a courtship. I prayed and didn’t say anything to him. I feel like it should be the man’s place to initiate a relationship. After a few months of talking over the phone, praying for each other, e-mails and letters, Joe asked me how I felt about him. It was an answer from the Lord. I had been praying and praying about this and asked that the Lord give me a sign and all along, Joe was praying and thinking about the same thing! A few months later we decided to meet. Our relationship grew deeper and deeper. Recently we were able to spend more time together. Even though Joe and I miss each other, we know that the Lord can work through this distance.
OK..I got off on a limb...Yes, Joe and I are in a courtship relationship. We both have convictions. Even before we told each other how we felt, we talked about such topics as this. Both Joe and I want to save our kisses for our future spouse (whether it be the person we are with now or not) I want to save my first kiss for my wedding day. There is a reason why they say, “You may NOW kiss the bride.” Anyway, I’m so thankful that Joe honors my purity and I do my best to keep his eyes pure as well. I try not to dress in revealing clothes or act in a certain way that could be tempting. We care for each other and we want what’s best for each other.
God has been so good to me. Joe and I both care for each other very much, and we’re trusting that God is leading us. We only want God’s best. As Joe always says, “What’s the worst thing that could come out of this, that I have a wonderful friend like you? We’re in a win-win situation!”
God Bless!
Heather
Later on, about a year later, I fell away from God and became unhappy with myself and depressed. God was not first in my life anymore. I became stressed and sad. When I saw all my friends dating and having fun, I became jealous and frustrated because of my singleness. I had never dated a guy and I had never even been kissed! (Still never been kissed and I'm SO blessed) I WANTED my Prince Charming RIGHT NOW. I was tired of waiting and I thought I was ready for a relationship. Well, I wasn’t. God was blessing me and protecting me and I was looking at it as a curse.
These were tough times for me, but I learned to cling to the Lord and I learned that He was the Love of my life. God completed me, not a person. I was complete in Christ. I came to the realization that even if I never dated or never married, I knew that I would be joyful and complete because I was complete in Christ, He is my Love, the Love of my life. As long as I have Him in my life, I knew that it would all be ok and that I would be content :-)
Even though I was content with being single, I still kept my eyes open for Mr. Right. I knew that God knows the desires of our hearts and being a wife and a mother someday is one of my desires. So, one day I joined a Christian Chat/ Discussion board. It was a place where you could share your testimony, interests, convictions, what you want in a man, etc. I put up a profile and really, the main reason I did this was to show that I was content with being single and I wanted other girls to see that it’s OK to be single. There is a season for everything in our lives. Not only was this a place to meet people of the opposite sex, it was a place to fellowship with other sisters in Christ. Anyway, one day I came across a man’s profile in Michigan. I have no idea why I was searching in Michigan when I live in NC, but the Lord led me there. I read over his profile and thought I’d say hey. I’ve always enjoyed fellowship and I saw that this man and I had some common interests. I thought maybe we could be friends. So, I dropped him an e-mail. The rest is history. I’ve now known Joe for over a year. We started with a good solid friendship and we both began to pray about the possibility of a courtship. I prayed and didn’t say anything to him. I feel like it should be the man’s place to initiate a relationship. After a few months of talking over the phone, praying for each other, e-mails and letters, Joe asked me how I felt about him. It was an answer from the Lord. I had been praying and praying about this and asked that the Lord give me a sign and all along, Joe was praying and thinking about the same thing! A few months later we decided to meet. Our relationship grew deeper and deeper. Recently we were able to spend more time together. Even though Joe and I miss each other, we know that the Lord can work through this distance.
OK..I got off on a limb...Yes, Joe and I are in a courtship relationship. We both have convictions. Even before we told each other how we felt, we talked about such topics as this. Both Joe and I want to save our kisses for our future spouse (whether it be the person we are with now or not) I want to save my first kiss for my wedding day. There is a reason why they say, “You may NOW kiss the bride.” Anyway, I’m so thankful that Joe honors my purity and I do my best to keep his eyes pure as well. I try not to dress in revealing clothes or act in a certain way that could be tempting. We care for each other and we want what’s best for each other.
God has been so good to me. Joe and I both care for each other very much, and we’re trusting that God is leading us. We only want God’s best. As Joe always says, “What’s the worst thing that could come out of this, that I have a wonderful friend like you? We’re in a win-win situation!”
God Bless!
Heather
Courtship: Deeper Communication – Too Much, Too Soon (Part 12)
07.23.04 (3:30 pm) [edit]
Courtship: Deeper Communication – Too Much, Too Soon (Part 12)
As important as it is for the two of you to communicate at deep levels and reach a decision about commitment, it is very dangerous to share too much with a person too soon in a relationship. What you share should be at the level of trust you have established between you, and trust takes time to build. When I was eighteen, I went to a high school dance, and during one particular slow dance, the girl I was with began to kiss me on the neck. I had never been kissed on the neck during a dance before, and even though she only kissed me two or three times, I began fantasizing about what we would name our children! After the dance, we went walking in a nearby park, and she put her arm around me. I was as close to heaven as I had ever been. The next Monday at school she was very casual when she saw me and said, “Hi ya, Tom.” She treated me like every other guy. The Saturday night dance and walk in the park had meant nothing to her, although they had meant everything to me that weekend. I had fallen too hard, too fast in my emotional response. Some people are quick to say, “I love you,” when they barely know if they like the person to whom they are speaking. Too much, too soon. Courtship is not a time to be rushed. Exploring the depths of another person takes time. So does reaching deep levels of communication. Don’t expect a person to become immediately transparent, vulnerable, and totally self-disclosing to you. Neither should you do the same without first establishing a foundation of trustworthiness, sensitivity, and respect. Be certain that the person with whom you share your secrets will keep the secrets.
My Question For You:
Has your relationship progressed “Too much, too soon?”
My Challenge For You:
Establish a foundation of trustworthiness, sensitivity, and respect with your relationship as it progresses over time so that you can reach a deep level of communication.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
As important as it is for the two of you to communicate at deep levels and reach a decision about commitment, it is very dangerous to share too much with a person too soon in a relationship. What you share should be at the level of trust you have established between you, and trust takes time to build. When I was eighteen, I went to a high school dance, and during one particular slow dance, the girl I was with began to kiss me on the neck. I had never been kissed on the neck during a dance before, and even though she only kissed me two or three times, I began fantasizing about what we would name our children! After the dance, we went walking in a nearby park, and she put her arm around me. I was as close to heaven as I had ever been. The next Monday at school she was very casual when she saw me and said, “Hi ya, Tom.” She treated me like every other guy. The Saturday night dance and walk in the park had meant nothing to her, although they had meant everything to me that weekend. I had fallen too hard, too fast in my emotional response. Some people are quick to say, “I love you,” when they barely know if they like the person to whom they are speaking. Too much, too soon. Courtship is not a time to be rushed. Exploring the depths of another person takes time. So does reaching deep levels of communication. Don’t expect a person to become immediately transparent, vulnerable, and totally self-disclosing to you. Neither should you do the same without first establishing a foundation of trustworthiness, sensitivity, and respect. Be certain that the person with whom you share your secrets will keep the secrets.
My Question For You:
Has your relationship progressed “Too much, too soon?”
My Challenge For You:
Establish a foundation of trustworthiness, sensitivity, and respect with your relationship as it progresses over time so that you can reach a deep level of communication.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
Sample Letter to my Future Husband
07.18.04 (8:37 am) [edit]
I found this awesome sample letter from a woman writing to her future husband. I just wanted to share this with you all. Why not write your own to your future husband/ wife? What a wonderful idea!!
By the way, this sample letter came from http://www.teens4Jesus.org
[LINE]
[b]
SAMPLE
Letter to my Future Husband[/b]
“You were made to be loved… and sincerely I have loved you, the thought of you, my life long.” Elizabeth Barrett Browning
If you are reading this letter, it is because you may become my husband one day. Lately, my mind and my heart have been filled with thoughts of you and the family that we will one day share.
I wonder where you are and what you are doing. Are you dating someone? Relationships have become so pressure filled, haven’t they? I mean, guys and girls alike treat dating as if they were married, expecting an instant commitment and sometimes sleeping together. I’ve heard that it’s easier to share your body than it is your soul. How sad that we are taught even in grade school how to share our bodies with the opposite sex, but not our hearts or our souls. Seems totally backwards, doesn’t it?
The temptations we face are real and I know how hard it can be to stay chaste. I’ve been tempted too, but then I think of you and how I want our wedding night to be perfect. Maybe that’s why I wanted to write to you, to tell you that I am real. At some point in our future, our paths will cross, and we will eventually spend our lives together in marriage. It would seem a shame to go into our marriage with the baggage that past sexual relationships bring.
That quote I put at the top of the page – I mean it. Think about it. You were made to be loved – unconditionally loved, and that’s how I promise to love you. Where you have been before today, well… that’s all in the past, and that’s where it should stay. Maybe you had no idea that I was here. But now you know, and how you live your life from today forward matters to me a great deal. I know that the media, Planned Parenthood, MTV, your friends, and maybe others are telling you that sex before marriage is okay as long as it’s “safe.” Don’t buy it. The truth is that the only safe sex is inside of marriage. There are STDs, abortions, emotional scars, and teens becoming parents before they are ready. Sex before marriage leaves scars that are hard to heal, sometimes impossible.
To a lot of people it may seem totally crazy that I’m asking you to think of our future. They’d tell you to live for the moment. I’m all for living in the present, but thinking about the future can help you avoid decisions that may alter your future – our future. I want you to experience life, travel, figure out who you are, go to the moon if you want. Take advantage of this time in your life to learn everything that you can. That will only make our marriage stronger. Just don’t jeopardize us.
Becoming a man can be difficult. Some guys try to earn their manhood by compromising their values. Sex before marriage won’t make you a man. It will only serve to keep you a little boy who can’t control himself. That’s not the kind of guy that I want or deserve. I need a man who won’t compromise his family but will put me first – even before he meets me; a man whose strength lies in his virtue, his character, and his ability to be an example at work, at play, and most importantly in our home. A real man knows how to love completely – with his mind, heart, body, and soul. This may sound like a lot to ask of you, but it will all be worth it. I will love you completely – I can promise you that!
You need to know that I’m waiting for you. If there is one thing that I have learned through my dating experiences, it’s that you are worth waiting for. My heart, mind, soul, and body were made for you. We will complete each other in the most profoundly beautiful way imaginable.
From today forward, are you going to wait for me? Like I said, where you have been is in the past, but where you are going will affect our marriage. I need to know that you have learned self control. I need to know that you think I am worth waiting for. I need to know that you are a man who respects and cherishes women – all women. The girl you are dating right now, or are going to date soon, may be someone else’s future wife, and I need to know that you understand and respect that.
Real love is not a temporary feeling or emotion. Emotions and feeling change, sometimes daily. But true, unconditional love is constant. I met a coupled the other day who have been married for 50 years, have seven children, 23 grandchildren, and seven great grandchildren. They looked like high school sweethearts. I asked them how they did it, how they made it work when so many marriages are falling apart. You know what he said? He said, “She knows I’m not perfect and she still loves me. She’s my best friend.” How cool is that? That’s what I want. I want us to be best friends. I want you to feel totally free to be you when you’re with me.
Please read this often. Think of me often. I’m thinking of you. I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait to spend my life loving you. Thanks for waiting for me. I promise it will be worth the wait!
With Love,
Your Future Wife
By the way, this sample letter came from http://www.teens4Jesus.org
[LINE]
[b]
SAMPLE
Letter to my Future Husband[/b]
“You were made to be loved… and sincerely I have loved you, the thought of you, my life long.” Elizabeth Barrett Browning
If you are reading this letter, it is because you may become my husband one day. Lately, my mind and my heart have been filled with thoughts of you and the family that we will one day share.
I wonder where you are and what you are doing. Are you dating someone? Relationships have become so pressure filled, haven’t they? I mean, guys and girls alike treat dating as if they were married, expecting an instant commitment and sometimes sleeping together. I’ve heard that it’s easier to share your body than it is your soul. How sad that we are taught even in grade school how to share our bodies with the opposite sex, but not our hearts or our souls. Seems totally backwards, doesn’t it?
The temptations we face are real and I know how hard it can be to stay chaste. I’ve been tempted too, but then I think of you and how I want our wedding night to be perfect. Maybe that’s why I wanted to write to you, to tell you that I am real. At some point in our future, our paths will cross, and we will eventually spend our lives together in marriage. It would seem a shame to go into our marriage with the baggage that past sexual relationships bring.
That quote I put at the top of the page – I mean it. Think about it. You were made to be loved – unconditionally loved, and that’s how I promise to love you. Where you have been before today, well… that’s all in the past, and that’s where it should stay. Maybe you had no idea that I was here. But now you know, and how you live your life from today forward matters to me a great deal. I know that the media, Planned Parenthood, MTV, your friends, and maybe others are telling you that sex before marriage is okay as long as it’s “safe.” Don’t buy it. The truth is that the only safe sex is inside of marriage. There are STDs, abortions, emotional scars, and teens becoming parents before they are ready. Sex before marriage leaves scars that are hard to heal, sometimes impossible.
To a lot of people it may seem totally crazy that I’m asking you to think of our future. They’d tell you to live for the moment. I’m all for living in the present, but thinking about the future can help you avoid decisions that may alter your future – our future. I want you to experience life, travel, figure out who you are, go to the moon if you want. Take advantage of this time in your life to learn everything that you can. That will only make our marriage stronger. Just don’t jeopardize us.
Becoming a man can be difficult. Some guys try to earn their manhood by compromising their values. Sex before marriage won’t make you a man. It will only serve to keep you a little boy who can’t control himself. That’s not the kind of guy that I want or deserve. I need a man who won’t compromise his family but will put me first – even before he meets me; a man whose strength lies in his virtue, his character, and his ability to be an example at work, at play, and most importantly in our home. A real man knows how to love completely – with his mind, heart, body, and soul. This may sound like a lot to ask of you, but it will all be worth it. I will love you completely – I can promise you that!
You need to know that I’m waiting for you. If there is one thing that I have learned through my dating experiences, it’s that you are worth waiting for. My heart, mind, soul, and body were made for you. We will complete each other in the most profoundly beautiful way imaginable.
From today forward, are you going to wait for me? Like I said, where you have been is in the past, but where you are going will affect our marriage. I need to know that you have learned self control. I need to know that you think I am worth waiting for. I need to know that you are a man who respects and cherishes women – all women. The girl you are dating right now, or are going to date soon, may be someone else’s future wife, and I need to know that you understand and respect that.
Real love is not a temporary feeling or emotion. Emotions and feeling change, sometimes daily. But true, unconditional love is constant. I met a coupled the other day who have been married for 50 years, have seven children, 23 grandchildren, and seven great grandchildren. They looked like high school sweethearts. I asked them how they did it, how they made it work when so many marriages are falling apart. You know what he said? He said, “She knows I’m not perfect and she still loves me. She’s my best friend.” How cool is that? That’s what I want. I want us to be best friends. I want you to feel totally free to be you when you’re with me.
Please read this often. Think of me often. I’m thinking of you. I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait to spend my life loving you. Thanks for waiting for me. I promise it will be worth the wait!
With Love,
Your Future Wife
Courtship: Deeper Communication – Honesty and Transparency (Part 11)
07.18.04 (4:10 am) [edit]
Courtship: Deeper Communication – Honesty and Transparency (Part 11)
Communication at all levels—about the past, present, and future—should become completely honest and transparent in courtship. Such communication is risky, but it is vital to the establishment of a sound marriage. Secrets, facades, and future fantasies can be devastating to a relationship. If one person in a marriage relationship suddenly feels conned or betrayed in some way, intimacy and romance are going to fly out the window. It is extremely difficult to be sexually intimate or emotionally vulnerable with someone who is under a load of guilt or fear, or who is highly secretive about the past. It is very difficult to be vulnerable in romance with someone who refuses to open up and share who he is and what he dreams, desires, or hopes—or even worse, with someone who cannot forgive. Past secrets, untold dreams, and false expectations can cause a person to become “me” focused rather than “other” focused. A self-absorbed person will not be a willing giver of self. This will definitely have repercussions not only in the bedroom but in all areas of marriage.
My Question For You:
Are there any more things that you need to communicate to your future mate?
My Challenge For You:
Look inside to make sure you are not hiding anything and then look to your future mate to find out if they are. Complete honesty and transparency are vital to your future relationship
< >< >< >< >< >
Hey guys! I hope you all know that I'm not the author of these courtship devotions. They all come from a wonderful website called, "The Song of Solomon.com"
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
God Bless! E-mail me if you have any questions!
flyhoneydew@hotmail.com
< Heather>
Communication at all levels—about the past, present, and future—should become completely honest and transparent in courtship. Such communication is risky, but it is vital to the establishment of a sound marriage. Secrets, facades, and future fantasies can be devastating to a relationship. If one person in a marriage relationship suddenly feels conned or betrayed in some way, intimacy and romance are going to fly out the window. It is extremely difficult to be sexually intimate or emotionally vulnerable with someone who is under a load of guilt or fear, or who is highly secretive about the past. It is very difficult to be vulnerable in romance with someone who refuses to open up and share who he is and what he dreams, desires, or hopes—or even worse, with someone who cannot forgive. Past secrets, untold dreams, and false expectations can cause a person to become “me” focused rather than “other” focused. A self-absorbed person will not be a willing giver of self. This will definitely have repercussions not only in the bedroom but in all areas of marriage.
My Question For You:
Are there any more things that you need to communicate to your future mate?
My Challenge For You:
Look inside to make sure you are not hiding anything and then look to your future mate to find out if they are. Complete honesty and transparency are vital to your future relationship
< >< >< >< >< >
Hey guys! I hope you all know that I'm not the author of these courtship devotions. They all come from a wonderful website called, "The Song of Solomon.com"
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
God Bless! E-mail me if you have any questions!
flyhoneydew@hotmail.com
< Heather>
Courtship: Deeper Communication – True to Yourself (Part 10)
07.17.04 (3:53 pm) [edit]
Courtship: Deeper Communication – True to Yourself (Part 10)
A good courtship should bring out the best in you and allow you to express yourself fully without any feelings of recrimination or apology. You should feel free to be who God created you to be. You cannot endure a lifetime of impersonating your mate’s ideal. I am primarily a people person. I enjoy being with people and working with people. I am not at all handy when it comes to fixing a leaky faucet. I’d rather call a plumber and have a good conversation with him while he does the hands-on work. Fortunately I rarely have to call a plumber because my wife is good at home repairs. Some men buy their wives flowers to make them happy; I buy my wife tools and appliances she desires. She recently remodeled our kitchen, and I mean that quite literally. She worked right alongside the carpenters and electricians. Each of us is true to unique gifts. And that’s the way it should be. Courtship is a time for revealing your giftedness to another person and accommodating the other person’s gifts. If your giftedness blends together, what a blessing! If your giftedness competes or conflicts, you have a problem. If the one you are courting is resentful of your abilities and talents, jealous of your skills or achievements, uptight about your weaknesses or lack of ability in an area, take note. The two of you may have much in common and respect each other, but you may not “fit” together well for the long haul of marriage.
My Question For You:
Does your relationship bring out the best in you as you grow in the ability to express your thoughts and feelings?
My Challenge For You:
Look over your relationship and see if the gifts and talents you have complement or compete with those of your partner.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
A good courtship should bring out the best in you and allow you to express yourself fully without any feelings of recrimination or apology. You should feel free to be who God created you to be. You cannot endure a lifetime of impersonating your mate’s ideal. I am primarily a people person. I enjoy being with people and working with people. I am not at all handy when it comes to fixing a leaky faucet. I’d rather call a plumber and have a good conversation with him while he does the hands-on work. Fortunately I rarely have to call a plumber because my wife is good at home repairs. Some men buy their wives flowers to make them happy; I buy my wife tools and appliances she desires. She recently remodeled our kitchen, and I mean that quite literally. She worked right alongside the carpenters and electricians. Each of us is true to unique gifts. And that’s the way it should be. Courtship is a time for revealing your giftedness to another person and accommodating the other person’s gifts. If your giftedness blends together, what a blessing! If your giftedness competes or conflicts, you have a problem. If the one you are courting is resentful of your abilities and talents, jealous of your skills or achievements, uptight about your weaknesses or lack of ability in an area, take note. The two of you may have much in common and respect each other, but you may not “fit” together well for the long haul of marriage.
My Question For You:
Does your relationship bring out the best in you as you grow in the ability to express your thoughts and feelings?
My Challenge For You:
Look over your relationship and see if the gifts and talents you have complement or compete with those of your partner.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
"Falling in Love With Jesus"
07.16.04 (5:16 am) [edit]
This is such an awesome book!! It's definitely one of my faves.
[i]"A trusted Bible study author and a beloved Christian singer join forces to spark your love life---with Jesus Christ! Drawing from personal experiences and the lives of biblical women, Brestin and Troccoli lead you through three stages of intimacy with the Lord, helping you find the true "soul mate" your heart is longing for."[/i]
[b]Here are a couple of comments from various readers:[/b]
[i]"If you love Kathy Troccoli as much as I do, you must read this book! I have always been so blessed by the spiritual depth of Kathy's songs and her and Dee's book is no different. While comparing the spiritual with human examples may make some uncomfortable, the Bible often does this and makes it easier for us to understand. This is one of the few books I want to read again. There is so much in it that will touch your heart and make a difference in your walk with Christ. Highly recommended!"[/i]
[i]"It still amazes me how much Jesus loves me.This book offers glimpses into that love. Dee and Kathy have done a wonderful job of making this book accessible to ALL women.I can't think of anybody who wouldn't benefit from reading this book."[/i]
[b]< >< >< >< >< >< [/b]>
Click here: http://www.family.org/resourc... to buy this book!
Courtship: Deeper Communication - Expectations (Part 9)
07.16.04 (5:06 am) [edit]
[b]Courtship: Deeper Communication – Expectations (Part 9)[/b]
You should also share your expectations regarding a spouse. I recently heard a story about a young man who married a woman expecting that she would cook dinner every night, keep a neat house, and manage the family check book. His mother had done those three things, and she was his only image as to how a wife functioned outside the bedroom. During his courtship days, his girlfriend had cooked a couple of meals for him. She lived at home and her mother kept a neat, clean home. He automatically assumed that she would do the same. Not once did they have a discussion about how the two of them might divide the various daily-living chores and responsibilities they would face as a couple. What were her expectations? She hated to cook. She expected her husband to bring home enough money so that they could go out to eat every night or order in meals. If not, she expected him to cook. Furthermore, she expected to have a full-time housekeeper. She announced to her husband-to-be that she had a deep desire to shop and be a mother, preferably in that order. And to top it all off, she had never had a checkbook of her own and didn’t have the foggiest idea how to manage money. You can imagine the difficulties the two had in their first few years of marriage as both learned to make serious adjustments in their expectations of what a good wife or husband should do. They had a real struggle in finding common ground on which to build a daily living pattern that was satisfying to both of them. Don’t make promises about how you will live and act after you are married unless you have strong evidence that you have lived and acted in that way in the past. Don’t agree to take on responsibilities for things you would like to be able to do but you have never done successfully over time.
[u][b]My Question For You:[/b][/u]
Have you had a serious discussion with your future mate about what your expectations are in marriage and vice versa?
[u][b]
My Challenge For You:[/b][/u]
Examine your own thoughts and feelings about what you expect in marriage and see if they are realistic and true.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
You should also share your expectations regarding a spouse. I recently heard a story about a young man who married a woman expecting that she would cook dinner every night, keep a neat house, and manage the family check book. His mother had done those three things, and she was his only image as to how a wife functioned outside the bedroom. During his courtship days, his girlfriend had cooked a couple of meals for him. She lived at home and her mother kept a neat, clean home. He automatically assumed that she would do the same. Not once did they have a discussion about how the two of them might divide the various daily-living chores and responsibilities they would face as a couple. What were her expectations? She hated to cook. She expected her husband to bring home enough money so that they could go out to eat every night or order in meals. If not, she expected him to cook. Furthermore, she expected to have a full-time housekeeper. She announced to her husband-to-be that she had a deep desire to shop and be a mother, preferably in that order. And to top it all off, she had never had a checkbook of her own and didn’t have the foggiest idea how to manage money. You can imagine the difficulties the two had in their first few years of marriage as both learned to make serious adjustments in their expectations of what a good wife or husband should do. They had a real struggle in finding common ground on which to build a daily living pattern that was satisfying to both of them. Don’t make promises about how you will live and act after you are married unless you have strong evidence that you have lived and acted in that way in the past. Don’t agree to take on responsibilities for things you would like to be able to do but you have never done successfully over time.
[u][b]My Question For You:[/b][/u]
Have you had a serious discussion with your future mate about what your expectations are in marriage and vice versa?
[u][b]
My Challenge For You:[/b][/u]
Examine your own thoughts and feelings about what you expect in marriage and see if they are realistic and true.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
Courtship: Deeper Communication – Future Hopes and Dreams (Part 8)
07.14.04 (11:37 am) [edit]
Courtship: Deeper Communication – Future Hopes and Dreams Part 8
Not only must you share fully the events of your past with your possible future spouse, buy you must also share your heartfelt dreams and desires for the future. Can you imagine the shock one young woman felt when after two years of marriage, her husband suddenly announced that they were going to Bible school and then to South America to serve as missionaries? “What happened?” she asked. “Did God speak to you at church last Sunday?” “No,” he said. “I have known since I was fifteen years old that this is what I am supposed to do with my life. I just haven’t been in obedience to God.” At the time the young man sought to get back into obedience, he and his wife had been out of college for three years and both were enjoying successful track records where they worked. They were expecting their first child and had just made a down payment on a house. He admitted that he hadn’t told her about this call of God on his life because he was afraid he would lose her. She did go with him to Bible school and to South America—willingly, not begrudgingly—but it wasn’t because he had kept his dream a secret. It was because God sovereignly spoke to her heart, because she was a woman of great character, and because her love for her husband was unconditional. Certainly not all dreams or goals are so dramatic, but even more routine dreams—about the house you want to have in the country, the number of children you desire to have, the way you desire to serve God in your community—should be shared during courtship. They should not be idealized images you think are the “right” dreams for a Christian young person to have; they should be genuine dreams that you have had for a significant period of time.
My Question For You:
Have you discussed with your future mate the dreams of your heart for the future? What about the specific things you hope and plan for (like number of children, area to live, etc.)?
My Challenge For You:
Search your heart and examine your dreams to determine your future hopes and dreams. Then share them with your future mate.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
Not only must you share fully the events of your past with your possible future spouse, buy you must also share your heartfelt dreams and desires for the future. Can you imagine the shock one young woman felt when after two years of marriage, her husband suddenly announced that they were going to Bible school and then to South America to serve as missionaries? “What happened?” she asked. “Did God speak to you at church last Sunday?” “No,” he said. “I have known since I was fifteen years old that this is what I am supposed to do with my life. I just haven’t been in obedience to God.” At the time the young man sought to get back into obedience, he and his wife had been out of college for three years and both were enjoying successful track records where they worked. They were expecting their first child and had just made a down payment on a house. He admitted that he hadn’t told her about this call of God on his life because he was afraid he would lose her. She did go with him to Bible school and to South America—willingly, not begrudgingly—but it wasn’t because he had kept his dream a secret. It was because God sovereignly spoke to her heart, because she was a woman of great character, and because her love for her husband was unconditional. Certainly not all dreams or goals are so dramatic, but even more routine dreams—about the house you want to have in the country, the number of children you desire to have, the way you desire to serve God in your community—should be shared during courtship. They should not be idealized images you think are the “right” dreams for a Christian young person to have; they should be genuine dreams that you have had for a significant period of time.
My Question For You:
Have you discussed with your future mate the dreams of your heart for the future? What about the specific things you hope and plan for (like number of children, area to live, etc.)?
My Challenge For You:
Search your heart and examine your dreams to determine your future hopes and dreams. Then share them with your future mate.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
(Don't) Kiss Me
07.12.04 (5:59 pm) [edit]
[b] (Don't) Kiss Me
by Bethany Patchin [/b]
[i]Kiss me beneath the milky twilight. Lead me out on the moonlit floor. Lift your open hand. Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance, Silver moon's sparkling. So kiss me.[/i]
You might recognize this chorus, from one of the most popular Christian songs-gone-mainstream — it was #1 on the Billboard chart for two weeks in May of '99. It's "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer. Scan your radio channels for a minute and you're bound to catch the tune's signature descent of guitar chords and whimsical vocals.
In a recent Christian catalog I came across an endorsement for the self-titled Sixpence CD - "One of the most talked-about albums of the year!" From the discussions I've had with Christians my age, I believe it. All the talking can be summed up in a statement I found on a Christian listener's Amazon.com review:
"What in the world does 'Kiss Me' have to do with Jesus?"
It's a fair question, but I think it reveals a profound misunderstanding. You might as well ask: What does the Song of Solomon have to do with Jesus? It is called The Song of All Songs, though it never mentions God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit by name. Yet, it's an important book of the Bible because it teaches us that sexual intimacy (kissing included) in the right context is a gift from God. I'd bet Matt Slocum (songwriter and creative force behind SNTR) and lead singer Leigh Nash understand the connection between kissing and Christ, since they're both married.
I don't question Christian musicians singing a poem about kissing. I do question the rest of my Christian family separating such a deeply significant act from the One who designed it for us. Mind you, I understand their concerns. "I'm not thinking about God when I hear that song," a 22-year-old male friend of mine said. "I'm thinking about kissing my girlfriend. That's not very worshipful." My friend is trying to honestly assess his own motives, and he's right to do so. But he's missing the significance "Kiss Me" has in pointing toward an experience God intends as a type of worship. Worship literally means "to kiss the cheek of." I firmly believe that we are kissing the cheek of God when we take delight in the pleasures of intimacy with our marriage partners. Of course my friend was probably also right that he wasn't thinking worshipful thoughts. And here's where I get controversial. I also believe that kissing a romantic interest outside of marriage is not gratifying to God.
"Treat younger men as brothers ... and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity" (emphasis added) (1 Timothy 5:1b, 2b). There are two states of sexuality outlined in the Bible, celibacy and marriage — and during the transfer from the first to the second we are still under Paul's command of restraint.
Rethinking a Kiss
"Passionate kissing is: (1) a harmless recreational activity, (2) a godly way to show true love while dating, (3) something only married people should share, (4) a means of seducing your date."
My eyes were immediately drawn to the survey question-of-the-week at the Christian Web site www.singleness.org. Of the 302 people surveyed (I'd guess most were Christians), 27 chose the first answer, 76 chose the second, and 40 chose the last. Add that up and over 47 percent of them allowed that passionate kissing is acceptable outside of marriage.
Something only married people should share. I added my click and my vote to that group. At one point I might have chosen while dating, or even harmless recreational activity — but over the past few years I've found Bible verses that have convicted me otherwise. "Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth" (Proverbs 5:15-18).
'Never' covers all of time — before, during and after marriage. Since I'm not married yet, I am responsible for guarding my husband's 'fountain' (my body, which includes my lips) from strangers, even strangers who would only take a sip. I am attempting to rise to the challenge of Proverbs 31 — "a wife of noble character ... brings her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life." Men, likewise, are responsible for drinking only from their own wells, only from their own wives, and for staying away from mine.
Christians give the actual act of sexual intercourse a great deal of spiritual significance, yet we rarely examine the motives behind our casual exchanges of physical intimacy with brothers and sisters. We don't fully acknowledge sexual intimacy as a whole package; we don't realize that the beginning and ending of passion are inseparable. Most Christians of my generation would agree with the biblical teaching of physical purity as a goal. Yet when it comes to following up in action, we make the same mistakes as our supposedly more worldly peers. Why is that?
I believe it's partly because kissing is treated so nonchalantly — it's something we exchange between dates, and it's justifiable as long as the people involved are Christians and they don't take it "too far." It has little to do with God; it has been reduced to a touch exchanged between two, instead of its intended purpose of three-way communion between man, woman and God. The Bible never says "Thou shalt not kiss" so we assume Jesus doesn't come into our physical connections until we are on the way to marriage.
I'm a sophomore in college with virgin lips. A few months after turning 16, I vowed to keep my "bow" tied until a man promises to commit himself to the whole package. My first kiss will be from my husband on our wedding day. Yes, that's quite a progression, from an inexpert kiss at the altar to the complete unwrapping of the wedding night — believe me, my friends have pointed that out. Then again, Adam and Eve managed to figure everything out in a day.
God never intended the engagement period to be a time for physical experimenting, for peeking under the wrapping paper. Kissing — which quickly turns passionate when you are in love — carries a current intended to light a fire. In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for "kiss" (nashaq) is derived from the primary root meaning "to kindle." I don't want to open the matchbox. "Why preheat the oven when you can't cook the roast?" as Doug Wilson puts it in Her Hand in Marriage.
We see this truth reflected in places ranging from Scripture to literature that has endured for centuries. Song of Solomon 8:4 says not to arouse love until the right time. The fairy tales of Sleeping Beauty and Snow White hold a deeper symbolism: a kiss is (and should be) an awakening. I want to guard my fiancé; I want him to be asleep to me until we are one before God. There will be other ways of showing affection without arousing passion.
A Virginal Heart
Ultimately I am not as concerned about what Christians' lips do as I am about where our hearts are. One short kiss might not spark anything (though a string of short kisses quickly becomes a fuse). What's behind your kiss is what God is concerned about. Are you bestowing devotion or taking gratification? If you truly love that person, is it in their best interests to whet their thirst when you cannot give them the whole glass of water?
Elisabeth Elliot says it best in Passion and Purity: "Can I say categorically that a kiss is a sin? I can say that it might be. I can say that it might take the edge off, spoil the taste and the pleasure later on. It might reduce power. It might distract the heart. ... It is the heart's direction that is always the central issue. God knows what the heart is set on. We can deceive others. We can easily deceive ourselves. The humble and honest heart will always be shown the truth."
God asks different things of different people. My point is not that everyone should take a vow against premarital kissing. My challenge is that this generation of Christians would take a deeper look at something we treat so lightly. That we would take the initiative in saving something so precious for the right time and person — that we would pray about grasping what Solomon meant when he said there is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. That we would understand how intricately kissing is involved with Jesus and that we would ask Him how we can better obey His commands for purity.
Since I don't have a boyfriend and have never been kissed, when I hear "Kiss Me" on the radio I turn it up. I get a little dreamy and ponder on what it will be like to dance among the fireflies and moonlight with my husband. And I know that when he kisses me the joy I feel will be praise that goes straight to heaven.
Courtship: Deeper Communication - Vulnerability (Part 7)
07.12.04 (7:09 am) [edit]
Courtship: Deeper Communication - Vulnerability (Part 7)
Courtship is a time for making yourself vulnerable to the one you are considering as a marriage partner. It is a time for taking the risk to share what may initially frighten, surprise, appall, dishearten, or shock the one you are courting. Even so, sharing at a level of vulnerability is something you must do. In the process, you will discover a great deal about the person you love. One of the foremost things you will discover is how the person responds to situations that frighten, surprise, appall, dishearten, or shock! Such situations are bound to occur after your marriage. I believe it is far better to have a preview of how a person will respond to the dark, tragic, or disturbing aspects of life before marriage than to make these discoveries after the wedding vows are said. “But why do I have to tell?” you may ask. Because it will eventually come up. No matter how “buried” you believe a past error or sin may be, it will find a way of surfacing at some time in our relationship. And even if it doesn’t, you will always wonder, with a certain degree of guilt for keeping it secret, whether it will emerge and how it may come to light. Let Jesus be your role model as you hear and respond to the past life of the person you love: “As Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:25-27) We’ll continue with more on courtship and communication next week.
My Question For You:
Are you keeping secrets from the person you are dating (or married) to or have you been completely open and vulnerable to them?
My Challenge For You:
Will you act like Christ when responding to the past of the person you are dating (or married to)?
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
Courtship is a time for making yourself vulnerable to the one you are considering as a marriage partner. It is a time for taking the risk to share what may initially frighten, surprise, appall, dishearten, or shock the one you are courting. Even so, sharing at a level of vulnerability is something you must do. In the process, you will discover a great deal about the person you love. One of the foremost things you will discover is how the person responds to situations that frighten, surprise, appall, dishearten, or shock! Such situations are bound to occur after your marriage. I believe it is far better to have a preview of how a person will respond to the dark, tragic, or disturbing aspects of life before marriage than to make these discoveries after the wedding vows are said. “But why do I have to tell?” you may ask. Because it will eventually come up. No matter how “buried” you believe a past error or sin may be, it will find a way of surfacing at some time in our relationship. And even if it doesn’t, you will always wonder, with a certain degree of guilt for keeping it secret, whether it will emerge and how it may come to light. Let Jesus be your role model as you hear and respond to the past life of the person you love: “As Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:25-27) We’ll continue with more on courtship and communication next week.
My Question For You:
Are you keeping secrets from the person you are dating (or married) to or have you been completely open and vulnerable to them?
My Challenge For You:
Will you act like Christ when responding to the past of the person you are dating (or married to)?
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
Courtship: Deeper Communication – Baring Your Soul (Part 6)
07.10.04 (3:11 pm) [edit]
Courtship: Deeper Communication – Baring Your Soul (Part 6)
If you are courting a person and you suddenly realize that you are bored with the life st ories or that you have lost interest in listening to the other person’s opinions, call it a day for the relationship. If you feel “out of sight, out of mind” about the one you are courting, call it quits. In courtship, time should kindle, not dwindle, a relationship. There should be an increased desire to discover more and more about each other. Courtship is a time for baring one’s soul to another person, including revealing any dark secrets from one’s past. A person who truly loves you should be able to handle the full truth about you. I know of instances where the truth was such that the other person in the relationship couldn’t handle it. That being the case, it was wise that the couple broke up because the love between them truly was not a godly, unconditional love. Conditional love is never a good foundation for a marriage for several reasons: the conditions tend to change over time, no one can fulfill all the conditions another person might set, and self-righteousness tends to develop, which in turn can give rise to all sorts of manipulative, controlling, angry and rigid behaviors We’ll continue next week with more on deeper communication.
My Question For You:
Do you feel comfortable in sharing your life story with the person you are dating? Have you shared your pasts with each other?
My Challenge For You:
Work on developing an unconditional—not conditional—love in your relationship.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
If you are courting a person and you suddenly realize that you are bored with the life st ories or that you have lost interest in listening to the other person’s opinions, call it a day for the relationship. If you feel “out of sight, out of mind” about the one you are courting, call it quits. In courtship, time should kindle, not dwindle, a relationship. There should be an increased desire to discover more and more about each other. Courtship is a time for baring one’s soul to another person, including revealing any dark secrets from one’s past. A person who truly loves you should be able to handle the full truth about you. I know of instances where the truth was such that the other person in the relationship couldn’t handle it. That being the case, it was wise that the couple broke up because the love between them truly was not a godly, unconditional love. Conditional love is never a good foundation for a marriage for several reasons: the conditions tend to change over time, no one can fulfill all the conditions another person might set, and self-righteousness tends to develop, which in turn can give rise to all sorts of manipulative, controlling, angry and rigid behaviors We’ll continue next week with more on deeper communication.
My Question For You:
Do you feel comfortable in sharing your life story with the person you are dating? Have you shared your pasts with each other?
My Challenge For You:
Work on developing an unconditional—not conditional—love in your relationship.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
Courtship: Deeper Communication (Part 5)
07.09.04 (1:43 pm) [edit]
Courtship: Deeper Communication (Part 5)
A growing sense of togetherness is likely to be achieved through increased sensitivity, vulnerability, and depth of communication. Courtship is the time for sharing one’s deepest desires, hopes, and dreams. This should come about naturally because trust has been established during dating. Courtship is a time for telling life stories in detail, for exploring life’s future in detail, for sharing freely and fully anything and everything that you desire to share. In the Song of Solomon, the woman described Solomon this way: The voice of my beloved! Behold he comes leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold he stands behind our wall; He is looking through the windows, gazing through the lattice. (Song 2:8-9) Solomon was eager to get closer to the woman and was joyful in his desire to know everything about her. He was looking into the windows of her heart, gazing through the latticework of her soul to discover her innermost thoughts, opinions, feelings and secrets. He wanted to know all there was to know about her. And he was calling to her as he came to her. He was just as willing to reveal himself to her as he was desirous of having her reveal herself to him. More on deeper communication next week.
My Question For You:
Is you relationship growing in the depth of your communication and vulnerability of you sharing your hopes and dreams?
My Challenge For You:
Look for opportunities to share your heart and listen to the desires of your partner’s heart this week.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
A growing sense of togetherness is likely to be achieved through increased sensitivity, vulnerability, and depth of communication. Courtship is the time for sharing one’s deepest desires, hopes, and dreams. This should come about naturally because trust has been established during dating. Courtship is a time for telling life stories in detail, for exploring life’s future in detail, for sharing freely and fully anything and everything that you desire to share. In the Song of Solomon, the woman described Solomon this way: The voice of my beloved! Behold he comes leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold he stands behind our wall; He is looking through the windows, gazing through the lattice. (Song 2:8-9) Solomon was eager to get closer to the woman and was joyful in his desire to know everything about her. He was looking into the windows of her heart, gazing through the latticework of her soul to discover her innermost thoughts, opinions, feelings and secrets. He wanted to know all there was to know about her. And he was calling to her as he came to her. He was just as willing to reveal himself to her as he was desirous of having her reveal herself to him. More on deeper communication next week.
My Question For You:
Is you relationship growing in the depth of your communication and vulnerability of you sharing your hopes and dreams?
My Challenge For You:
Look for opportunities to share your heart and listen to the desires of your partner’s heart this week.
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
What a wonderful week!!!
07.08.04 (3:50 pm) [edit]
What a wonderful week!!!
I am sooo blessed!! Guys, I know that I usually don't use this blog to write about my personal life, but I just wanted to let you all know how much the Lord has blessed me!
Anyway, this past week I've been spending some time with Joe, a wonderful wonderful man that I care for very much ;-) The week has gone by too fast, but I enjoyed every moment. It was so tough when Joe had to leave to go back to Michigan. I miss him so much! It's hard having to get back to normal life, but I just have to smile to myself every once in a while...because the Lord has been so good to me. I'm blessed beyond words!!
Right now I'm just chillin' and listening to some music while doing some research online. It feels good to get caught up on some things. I like feeling organized and on top of things :-D
I had a wonderful quiet time today. God is giving me such a peace in my heart <3>
Here's what's on my heart right now:
"Praise Him, all you people of the earth, for He loves us with unfailing love; the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord!"
Psalm 117 NLT
God Bless!!
Heather
I am sooo blessed!! Guys, I know that I usually don't use this blog to write about my personal life, but I just wanted to let you all know how much the Lord has blessed me!
Anyway, this past week I've been spending some time with Joe, a wonderful wonderful man that I care for very much ;-) The week has gone by too fast, but I enjoyed every moment. It was so tough when Joe had to leave to go back to Michigan. I miss him so much! It's hard having to get back to normal life, but I just have to smile to myself every once in a while...because the Lord has been so good to me. I'm blessed beyond words!!
Right now I'm just chillin' and listening to some music while doing some research online. It feels good to get caught up on some things. I like feeling organized and on top of things :-D
I had a wonderful quiet time today. God is giving me such a peace in my heart <3>
Here's what's on my heart right now:
"Praise Him, all you people of the earth, for He loves us with unfailing love; the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord!"
Psalm 117 NLT
God Bless!!
Heather
Courtship: Consistency over Time (Part 4)
07.07.04 (3:20 pm) [edit]
Courtship: Consistency over Time (Part 4)
We’ve all known couples who were on again, off again in their relationship. If such a couple ends up at a marriage ceremony, those who witness the event and have known the couple for a period of time are likely to think, This is an upswing. A downswing is sure to follow. They may even be taking bets with their other friends about how long the honeymoon bliss will last. I have met and counseled couples who are worn out from their dating highs and lows, and then they have erroneously concluded, “We don’t seem to be doing very well in dating. Let’s get married.” That’s like saying, “I can’t bench-press seventy pounds, so let’s stack three hundred pounds on the bar.” Trust me—if you can’t get along with a person for a few hours a day, four or five times a week, you surely aren’t going to be able to get along with that person seven days a week for the next fifty years! There should be an easiness of compatibility in your dating relationship as you move into courtship. There should be a growing easiness in your relationship the longer you court. Don’t continue to add layer upon layer of time and commitment to something that does not have a solid foundation
My Question For You:
Is your relationship characterized by continuous highs and lows? Or is there a growing ease and compatibility in your relationship?
My Challenge For You:
Evaluate how easily you get along in your relationship and how you intend to continue growing in compatibility
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
We’ve all known couples who were on again, off again in their relationship. If such a couple ends up at a marriage ceremony, those who witness the event and have known the couple for a period of time are likely to think, This is an upswing. A downswing is sure to follow. They may even be taking bets with their other friends about how long the honeymoon bliss will last. I have met and counseled couples who are worn out from their dating highs and lows, and then they have erroneously concluded, “We don’t seem to be doing very well in dating. Let’s get married.” That’s like saying, “I can’t bench-press seventy pounds, so let’s stack three hundred pounds on the bar.” Trust me—if you can’t get along with a person for a few hours a day, four or five times a week, you surely aren’t going to be able to get along with that person seven days a week for the next fifty years! There should be an easiness of compatibility in your dating relationship as you move into courtship. There should be a growing easiness in your relationship the longer you court. Don’t continue to add layer upon layer of time and commitment to something that does not have a solid foundation
My Question For You:
Is your relationship characterized by continuous highs and lows? Or is there a growing ease and compatibility in your relationship?
My Challenge For You:
Evaluate how easily you get along in your relationship and how you intend to continue growing in compatibility
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
Courtship: A Growth Experience (Part 3)
07.03.04 (7:01 pm) [edit]
Courtship: A Growth Experience (Part 3)
Perhaps the appropriate word to describe a good courtship is growth. A couple should experience a growing together in closeness, a growing passion, and a growing identity of “us.” Courtship is not only allowing, but also cultivating the growth of a relationship. The word courtship comes from an Elizabethan era in which the ladies of the court were wooed and won by knights and lords of the court through the process of frequent visitation, attention, gifts and compliments. A man generally asked a woman’s father for permission to court his daughter, which implied that the man seriously and openly desired to pursue the possibility of marriage. In saying yes to a courtship proposal, the father was granting the man permission to visit his daughter, give her gifts, accompany her to formally to social events, etc. The two young people were rarely left alone, but perhaps were allowed to sit on the porch swing and talk, take walks together in the neighborhood, and perhaps even go on chaperoned buggy rides. In our world today, courtship is likely to be thought of as going steady. Even though the social norms have changed, a good courtship still should be couched in extreme courtesy and respect. It should be marked by sexual purity. Before you begin to date a person, you should have carefully evaluated that person’s character. Dating gives you further opportunity to get to know the person from the inside out. Courtship is the time for evaluating consistency and for deepening communication.
My Question For You:
In what ways do you feel that Elizabethan era courtship should be a part of 21st century dating?
My Challenge For You:
When you are courting or going “steady”, are you consciously using that time to evaluate your future mate in light of what God wants for your marriage relationship
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
http://groups.msn.com/HeHoldsMyHand/welcome .msnw" title="http://groups.msn.com/HeHoldsMyHand/welcome .msnw" target="_blank"http://groups.msn.com/HeHolds...
God Bless guys!! Hope to hear your thoughts!
< Heather>
Perhaps the appropriate word to describe a good courtship is growth. A couple should experience a growing together in closeness, a growing passion, and a growing identity of “us.” Courtship is not only allowing, but also cultivating the growth of a relationship. The word courtship comes from an Elizabethan era in which the ladies of the court were wooed and won by knights and lords of the court through the process of frequent visitation, attention, gifts and compliments. A man generally asked a woman’s father for permission to court his daughter, which implied that the man seriously and openly desired to pursue the possibility of marriage. In saying yes to a courtship proposal, the father was granting the man permission to visit his daughter, give her gifts, accompany her to formally to social events, etc. The two young people were rarely left alone, but perhaps were allowed to sit on the porch swing and talk, take walks together in the neighborhood, and perhaps even go on chaperoned buggy rides. In our world today, courtship is likely to be thought of as going steady. Even though the social norms have changed, a good courtship still should be couched in extreme courtesy and respect. It should be marked by sexual purity. Before you begin to date a person, you should have carefully evaluated that person’s character. Dating gives you further opportunity to get to know the person from the inside out. Courtship is the time for evaluating consistency and for deepening communication.
My Question For You:
In what ways do you feel that Elizabethan era courtship should be a part of 21st century dating?
My Challenge For You:
When you are courting or going “steady”, are you consciously using that time to evaluate your future mate in light of what God wants for your marriage relationship
http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" title="http://www.thesongofsolomon.com" target="_blank"http://www.thesongofsolomon.c...
http://groups.msn.com/HeHoldsMyHand/welcome .msnw" title="http://groups.msn.com/HeHoldsMyHand/welcome .msnw" target="_blank"http://groups.msn.com/HeHolds...
God Bless guys!! Hope to hear your thoughts!
< Heather>